Writer's block

First of all, let's be clear: I don't have it.
Or let's be even clearer: I'm not currently experiencing it.

But I have been thinking about it lately, mostly because some article or blog where it's mentioned. And while there is no real consensus on what writer's block is, I find the term used inappropriately all too often. My writer's block is years old, but it's only the last two or three years that I'm able to really think the process through, confident I won't get sucked back in. I've come to terms with the beast.

See, at least in my humble opinion (which of course could just be colored too strongly by the severe nature of said block), writer's block is not "some blockage" of muse or linguistic capacities. Nothing like a bout of constipation that can be solved with fiber or medication. Not every symptom points to the same condition, not every headache indicates a brain tumor.

Inspired by an old post by Juliette Wade on writer's block, I'd like to list what I (once again: humble opinion) see as fakes, adding to her (paraphrased) three:

1) no time to write (equals frustration and leads to eating too fast, not enough munching, bad for the innards). I'd like to addendumate Ms. Wade's list here with: too stressed to write. Whatever the reason for your stress (work, deadline, bad hair day) make time to eat. The stress itself is already enough, err, stress, on your system; you don't want to add flatulence, constipation, hiccups, acid burn,... to the list of stress-causers. Stress can snowball like that.
2) no energy to write (if you come home each night from work , too starved to reach the fridge, you seriously need to think about snacks. snacks can save your day. keep snacks in the office, the car, your purse, pocket,... eat a tidbit while you can, and it will tie you over)
3) no story to write (if you feel bored eating, ask yourself why, and differentiate your diet. there's no rule that says you have to eat potatoes every day, you know). Again I addendumate: nothing GOOD to write (water is healthy, even if fish fuck in it. salad can be yummy, even if you're not a cow. and everybody needs fiber. Sometimes you just need to get through the boring stuff to get to the chocolate mousse.)
4) page fright
That moment where you stare into the blank page and the blank page stares into you. I've had it happen, and I doubt I'm the only one on the planet, but I wouldn't call that writer's block. More a sign that my mind isn't finished with fiddling with the scene, plot, words, whatever. Or that it hasn't grabbed the story by the tail firmly enough to commit it to canvas.
I leave the blank page be, go and do something else. The words will come eventually, no surgery needed.
5) other anxieties
This covers all sorts of things, that usually lead to much procrastination. Feeling anal about wordcount? Are your infodumps to big? Does that skirt make your ass look fat? Do you have a milk mustache, spinach stuck between your teeth or did the wine color your teeth and tongue?
Take a deep breath and a step back. There's no kick like putting a fear to rest, especially when you've wallowed in them for quite some time and then find yourself able to fix them in a snap. Go ahead, allow yourself to wallow. Count those words and count them again, and fear each time there too many/not enough of them. Pull your hair, sob and moan. Then get yourself a mirror and a toothbrush, and fix it.

All in all, above problems concern time, willpower or ego, and given experience any writer will learn how to deal with those hiccups. I know I did, and I'm not even published yet. And it's a continuous process; I'm developing new hiccups regularly. But stress and anxiety management problems are just that: hiccups and farts. Hot air. It blows over.

Now, to me, writer's block is something else. A serious condition, and while its origin may be in- or external, it comes down all the same to a serious existential nervous breakdown. It's not that the ideas or words stop coming, but that, for the love of God, you can't think of a reason to put them down. If you start questioning words and their meaning, you're in as much trouble as a writer, as a priest who starts doubting the existence of God.

One moment you'll be so utterly depressed by the thought of writing anything (yes, even nonsensical crap, or your shopping list for crying out loud!) that all you can do is sit and stare at the wall. The next you'll turn into a lightning spitting ball of venom, shredding whatever you find in the drawer because it's all meaningless anyway. Luckily I found out that my impulse to hang on to old crap and spend afternoons huddling it with fierce nostalgia is unbeatable. If it hadn't been, I'd faced a tabula rasa from which I might not have recovered, because I needed that old crap to nurse myself back to health. After three years of block.

Take heed: deep down humans do whatever they do for one reason only, and that's to find reason in their existence. And it's not just "what you'd like to be when you grow up". Man cannot do something well if his heart isn't in it, and the heart only gets to go in, if he finds reason. Digging pits and filling them up the next day makes people go insane, unless somehow they can believe it is a good thing they are there every day, digging and filling. Watch them doing it for a year and then tell them it was for nothing, and be ready to either hand out lots of beer/chocolate or dodge the angry mob.

The trouble with this (my own) definition of writer's block is:
in all the experiences I've had in this life, it only equals quitting my nicotine habit. You can quit smoking, but the cigarette never leaves your system. Thirty years from now it will still be there, in my dreams, in every unguarded moment.

Now there's a scary thought.